Caring for an ageing parent: first steps

Start with a conversation

Whenever possible, plan with the person you are caring for, not around them. Ask what matters most to them, what they want help with, and what they would rather keep doing themselves. If other family members are involved, agree early who does what so one person does not end up carrying everything.

Work out what help is needed

• Daily tasks: washing, dressing, meals, medicines, shopping, cleaning.
• Getting around: at home, to appointments, and out socially.
• Health: conditions, medicines, and which doctors are involved.
• Money and bills: who can help, and what permissions are needed.
• Safety at home: falls risks, heating, and how they would call for help.

Get the support you are entitled to

In England, anyone over 18 who cares for someone can ask their local council for a carer’s assessment. The NHS says it is free. It looks at what support could make caring easier for you, separately from any needs assessment for the person you care for. In the US, the NIA suggests starting with local resources such as your Area Agency on Aging and the Eldercare Locator.

Paperwork to sort early

It is much easier to arrange legal permissions while the person can still make decisions. Talk about who could act for them on health and money if needed, and where important documents are kept. Our guide to getting your affairs in order has a checklist.

Looking after yourself

Caring can be rewarding and exhausting at the same time. The NIA’s advice for caregivers includes asking for and accepting help, taking short breaks, staying active, keeping up with your own health checks, and staying in touch with friends. Feeling stressed, sad or angry is common. If those feelings do not lift, talk to your doctor.